"Well, your cyst is gone, and your six week old baby looks great!" The nurse said.
"I'm sorry, my what?" Looking at the nurse like she was crazy. Surely that was not my uterus on the screen.
"Your baby...your six week old...baby? Oh my gosh...did you not know that you were pregnant?"
"Ummm, does this look like a face of a woman who knew she was pregnant!"
This was the start of my day. It was May 15th, 2014, to be exact. I remember the shock on the nurse's face that suddenly turned to laughter and excitement. "Wow! I have never been able to tell someone they are pregnant! This is so fun!"
Yep...this is fun...but what are we going to do? We live in a 1000 square foot condo. I am literally about to stop nursing Harper. She is almost one. We made it! We did it! We kept her alive for almost a whole year! (That is how I felt as a first time mom. Anyone else?) Now where is this baby going to go? I have the smallest car that Toyota has ever made, and we only have one salary. We need another crib. We need another carseat. We need more clothes, more diapers. Oh, good Lord the diapers! When can I start potty training Harper? We need a double stroller! We need a bigger kitchen table! What? And where? And how? Those are all of the questions that were flying through my mind as the nurse ran out into the hallway telling other nurses. You would have thought this woman won the lottery!
Have you ever been in a place in your life that the unknowns were so overwhelming you couldn't breathe? My journey is much different than yours, and we were beyond excited and blessed beyond measure to be pregnant please do not get me wrong. I could not imagine my life without my Paisley Joy. But it just wasn't the way we thought it would go, and the timing was much different than ours. I didn't think I was ready. I was exhausted. And I just figured out one child, how could I do two? ...Maybe today, you have a mountain in your life, you have unknowns...you want to have a baby...and all you keep getting are negative tests. Maybe you need to know if you should buy this house or not. Maybe you long to adopt or foster, but the door won't open. You just need a house that is livable in your budget, or you really need a new car. You need a breakthrough in your marriage, with your children or a family member. Maybe you need financial support, healing over your body or healing in a relationship. You need wisdom, an answer, a little bit of direction! You just need a miracle! And you need this mountain to move.
Well, miracles are great, but I think you need something even better. Better? What could be better than a miracle?
God has brought me to a season of life where I am not looking for miracles...I mean I expect and wait for God to move, and I believe He can do anything and I want Him to come and do whatever He wants to, but my deepest heart's desire, the posture of my heart, has been more to hear Him, to be near Him, not so much in the results from Him. In 1 Kings, you will read the story of Elijah. God had the ravens bring him bread, He used Elijah to bring a little boy back to life and in front of 100's of Baal worshippers, he "dropped the mic" and made fire fall down from heaven. The kids these days would say he was lit or something like that. ( I try and keep up with the youths being the wife of a youth pastor and all) Anyway, needless to say Elijah was no joke, hands down an incredible prophet. He was doing miracles like it was nothing and He walked with God and heard His voice and he was profoundly anointed. Yet one day...his life was threatened. Jezebel wanted nothing more than to kill him. And she sent an army of soldiers to do just that. And Elijah? After he was used by God to perform these incredible miracles...he fled. He feared what could happen to him over what the power of God could do through Him.
He feared what could happen to him over what the power of God could do through Him.
And I think that can be us at times. We fear the circumstance, the season of life, or the unknowns of the future and that dictates our view or understanding of the power of God. We can so easily forget what God has done, the miracles, the provision, the amazing acts of His love for us; when we get faced with the next big mountain, we flee in fear.
But what does God do with Elijah? He meets him there, in the wilderness. An angel comes to him twice and brings him food, bread, because God is the bread of life. God is meeting him where he is and showing him that, "I am all you need and I will see you through." He goes to the mountain to meet with God and it says,
"Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper." 1 Kings 19:11-12.
After Elijah experienced the whisper. The intimate presence of God, he no longer feared. See God could have been in the wind, in the earthquake and in the fire. Because He is big, strong, fierce, and unstoppable. But He chose to come in a whisper. Elijah no longer feared at all. He left that mountain changed. He was led by faith and fear no longer dictated his life, his decisions, his steps, and his view of the future.
We need the whisper. Because, let's face it, life will go up and then it will come down and yes oh yes we always need God to show up. We need the bread of life, we need provision, protection every day. But what we need, that will keep us consistent, that will keep us thriving regardless of the season or circumstance is to hear His voice. That whisper is intimate, it's close, it's personal, and we must quiet ourselves to listen for it. We have to be close enough to God to be able to hear from God.
Let's not be desperate for the miracle but rather be dependent for the whisper.
Whatever you face today, my hope is you don't just ask God for the miracle of the mountain to be moved, but that you seek to hear Him whisper to you this week. Cause I promise you, He is talking.