Pressure is a Good Thing

Have you ever felt anxiety? The heaviness in your chest like someone is pressing a heavy boulder on top of you? Have you experienced the attack when it comes out of absolutely no where? The feeling of fear and not being able to breathe? I have been walking through this the past month, and the weight of it all at times seems unending. I write today, not on the other side of it, but right in the thick of it, in case you are as well, I dare to try and put what I'm learning into sentences to hopefully to shine a light on this dark path because I know and believe there is an end to this dark tunnel. 

In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice;
    in the morning I lay my requests before you
    and wait expectantly.  Psalm 5:3

This year on my birthday I decided to step away from social media for the whole year. My head was starting to feel like there were too many tabs open, my brain was overwhelmed and overstimulated and I realized this is not helping me in my weariness. It's adding to it. And it seemed that right as I removed this distraction this anxiety started. I woke up on my 35th birthday in a panic attack. Now there is a good chance this was the enemy trying to steal and kill and destroy. But there is also a chance that this has been locked inside my heart buried underneath the distraction of scrolling and getting sucked into the vortex that is social media. Either way,  I cast the enemy out but also ask the Lord what are you doing in me right now? 

I have recently learned that there is a need for pressure. Not all pressure is bad, some pressure is good and healthy. Water needs pressure to come into our pipes so we can have running water, airplane cabins need pressure so passengers can breathe, diamonds are made under pressure...pressure can be good and necessary but it can still feel heavy and hard. Like the clay in the hands of the potter, He must apply pressure to shape the clay to which He sees it is meant to be. So I yield to the pressure I am feeling and realize maybe the Lord is doing something deep in me. Maybe this year of removing a distraction won't be this sabbatical like holiday vacation I thought. I imagined myself breathing deeply, creating with paint and writing music and poetry with my mind so free. Maybe this year will be holy deep soul work that will require all my attention and focus. Maybe just maybe this pressure is the Lord gently pressing upon my heart ways in which He desires me to grow and be sanctified. 

​  Whatever it is you are walking through right now, or why, my desire today is to remind you that in all the places you feel disconnected and not yourself, you will most find yourself in Him. 

Different seasons of life can make us feel not ourselves, but I believe that is part of the growth. One chapter closes and another opens but it's a letting go of what you once knew to move forward in what the Father has for you. So press on my friend, one breath at a time and one day at a time. For we aren't promised tomorrow, and there is more of Jesus we are meant to know. Who does He want to be for you in this season? When you seek Him you will find Him and when you find Him, you find all that you need. 

Much Love,  

​Heather