I have a hard time being told what to do, or I should say "had". I like to think I have grown leaps and bounds in this weak spot. Right Griffin? I can't exactly tell you where it stems from, but receiving correction never felt good to me. We have been married a little over 8 years and when we first got married this was a really hard battle. But I have continued to see something the past few years that I just can't shake, I vow to continue working on this in my life, or really allowing the Lord to prune me.
So there's this couple, (fictitious btw, just a scenario I have seen) this couple is amazing and have come a long way in their faith and in their marriage. They have moved up in their vocations and are doing really well financially. They have been married for over 20 years, they serve and have a beautiful family. Everyone loves them. But when I was speaking to the wife about her husband in reference to a mindset he had, she simply said, "That's just the way he is."
That phrase, struck me. THAT'S JUST THE WAY HE IS. So, this way that he has been his whole life is just how he is going to stay? This way that he walks, talks, prays, handles conflict is just how it's going to be for the rest of his life? These two people have been carrying the same habits, perspectives, and methods of handling life for their whole lives....and they are okay with that? They have settled, you could say. They have accepted who they have come to be and they have settled into that way of living, of being. Oh I hope I never ever settle...
Griffin is the love of my life. Griffin is who God gave me to love me and who He gave me to experience, in human form, how much God loves me. He does a pretty incredible job at it too. But I will say with us...I hope who we are now is not who we are in a year, heck who we are tomorrow! I have been learning that God is way more interested in who we are becoming then who we are now. God has freed us from our past, is revealing Himself to us in our present and is very passionate about our future. (He is the only One who knows the future)
I began to really focus on my struggle with taking correction because I don't want pride in my life and I don't want to be stuck in my ways. And the only way to not be stuck in your ways is to be able to change, to grow. Yes, it's painful, yes, it's very very very humbling, but I couldn't imagine being who I am now when I'm 40. I turn 31 this year, and I pray that by the time I am 40 I have inched, day by day, closer to the woman God has created me to be. And the best person to get me there is my husband Griffin.
I have grown in my ability to accept his words because I know that he is for me. He desires me to be the best Heather I can be, because he desires to see me the way God does. And vice versa. I never want Griffin to get stuck in a habit or mindset when I know there is a more heavenly way. Griffin has too big of a purpose for me to let him settle. I am his wife, his best friend, and one of the main voices in his life. I hope I never say, "That's just the way he is."
There is a very important component to creating this culture in your marriage, and it is the ability to create a safe place. We have learned to not attack each other with correction but to time it correctly and cover it with grace. I am laughing now as I think about this but Griffin has often started one of these moments with the sentence, "First off, I love you..." haha! He knows my heart is fragile, so he reminds me of his motive and then shares the moment during the day that I could have done better. And I still get uncomfortable but I honor his words and love that he loves me enough to make me uncomfortable so he can help me be better! We have too much at risk to not keep growing, to not keep becoming. We have four souls we are called to raise who will one day have babies of their own. Your becoming affects more than just you.
I encourage you to create this safe place in your marriage and to always push your spouse to who God created them to be, to who they are becoming. It's worth the hard moments, the humbling conversations. It's so much bigger than you. Embrace it.
Here is to never settling.
7/5/2019 05:11:45 am
Yes to never settling!! And I love how you said “who you are becoming is never just about you!”
7/5/2019 12:57:45 pm
I completely agree about not liking the “correction.” Lol. Knowing that we fall short, especially when our spouse points it out, is tough to hear. The willingness to accept the correction should be two-sided. I also ask you to consider this, after 22 years of marriage and 29 years together, neither of us are exactly the same person. However, we have come to accept one another as we are right now. Or as we were 5 years ago or ten years from now. Loving each other as God loves us in the “now.” Believing and encouraging one another to grow. Perhaps that is what the couple meant? Tom has grown and changed and is a wonderful husband and father. Are there aspects of his personality that will never change? His character, honesty, work ethiic? I hope so. Are there other things I’d like to change? Sure. I can encourage him, but that is for God to work on. Just some thoughts.
7/10/2019 11:37:42 am
Thank you for your thoughts Wendy. I always love seeing another side of things and hearing your thoughts from someone who has been married for over 20 years is a great perspective. I appreciate your words.
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