Disappointment. That's the feeling I have been facing the past few months, and maybe like me, in the middle of what seems to be the hardest year we have faced, you can resonate with that word.
The job that is not at all what you thought it would be, the homeschooling hopes that were quickly dashed when you began to feel "not cut out for this". The friendships that you thought were something that they just aren't. The family situation, the truth being revealed and you are left picking up the pieces to a very big mess that you did not make. Disappointment leaves us with an ache and an anger because you know things could be better. They really don't have to be this way, but the reality is that they are. And you are left ..well disappointed.
I have felt a bit stuck here in this disappointment. Maybe it's my own doing and a lack of better perspective, maybe it's hormones because for some reason after baby #4 my body seems angry at me, or maybe just maybe the Lord is wanting to teach me something...to have me dig a bit deeper past the disappointment and have me look at my hopes and my expectations and where I am placing them and in whom am I placing them.
(of a person) sad or displeased because someone or something has failed to fulfill one's hopes or expectations.
I am learning as I trudge through this disappointment that whenever we place the key to our happiness or, our hopes really, in someone else's pocket you are setting yourself up to be disappointed. Because people fail and they are flawed, with the best intentions they try but they will never meet your hopes. People are inconsistent, they don't love like you, not all in like you. They don't ask the question back, "And how are you doing right now?" It's one-sided, you wait and wait but as every day goes by without a text or simply an acknowledgement on one of the thousand of social media platforms you are left disappointed, because yet again your hopes were broken.
Your hope in your spouse because you are just wanting them to see all you are doing and help or acknowledge, you just feel so weary so exhausted from it all. And that being the most vulnerable relationship, when our hopes are dashed there it can feel like running away is the best option.
Your plans you had set your hopes in, the way you really wanted things to go and because of many unfortunate events nothing is going as planned and you are completely defeated and want to just give up.
Or that big dream you have, the husband, the baby, the big job, and there again you see someone else got what you really want. You are left comparing, feeling deflated and defeated, wondering what's the point, is it ever going to happen for me?
Let's face it, many times we talk negatively about ourselves is because we haven't met our own expectations. You set a goal and you can't meet it. You gained more weight the past month than you lost. You wanted to wake up early but you just fall short every time. You fall back into those old habits and ways and you are left angry at yourself because you are disappointed in you.
So, what do you do? This isn't the first or the last time you are going to feel the weight of disappointment. You can't change people but you change you...or rather the Lord can change you.
It was nap time, so I put my son to bed, and snuck across the hall to my room to sneak in a quick workout. (Don't think I am awesome ok, I ate a lot of cookie dough the night before and felt like I needed to balance it all out)
I was in front of my full length mirror doing my workout and I heard Him say, "You can change the way you look, but I can change the way you see." I sat straight up and the weight of my disappointment hit me. The friends that have let me down recently, the hopes I have that feel so unreachable, the dreams and desires that I wonder, "God am I crazy to even believe this could be real?" They all came like a wave and as the tears poured I began to except that the disappointments are pushing me to see differently. And in a year like this, 2020 being the number of "perfect vision" don't we all want to see a little differently? All the truths that have been revealed on a national level, it's so heavy on the heart isn't it? And as I am sure what has been going on in your personal life isn't any lighter, what if we allowed the Father to change the way we see it all.
Ourselves seeing how much your body has done and being proud of all you have walked through and believing in wholeness for yourself. Our relationships to just love without expecting anything in return. Our spouse learning to give grace upon grace. Our Children loving them selflessly and not looking to them to be someone they are not. Our neighbor with the opposite political view. The person at church who thinks a bit differently about things than you.
Oh, what if we hit New Year's Eve and our hope wasn't in politics. It wasn't in a vaccine. It wasn't in people, a ring, a baby, the longing of our hearts...no, what if it was all in the UNseen.
Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.
The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It’s our handle on what we can’t see. The act of faith is what distinguished our ancestors, set them above the crowd.
Now faith brings our hopes into reality and becomes the foundation needed to acquire the things we long for. It is all the evidence required to prove what is still unseen.
(ESV, MSG, TPT)
We were meant to put our hope in Jesus. In the eternal, the things unseen. I heard a quote that says, "Hope is acknowledging the reality of a situation but in the same breath acknowledging the sovereignty of God." And isn't that just it. We see what it is, but we Hope in what God can do in it. Not hoping in people changing, not hoping they finally accept me, that they finally be the friend I long for, but we hope in what God wants to do regardless of what people do. We hope in the unseen, the things we can't imagine, the impossible is only made possible with Jesus. And it will be done if it is His will and it will happen ALL for His glory. Now what if we went into 2021 with new vision for everything and everyone in our lives? Then 2020, your disappointments will be well worth it all in the end. Because your disappointments push you to the appointed King over your life who cannot let you down.
He never changes nor forgets you. He sees you right where you are and He longs for you to see Him right where He is and will always be. On the throne.
Praying Fresh Vision for You
I’m Heather a blessed wife and mama to three beautiful little girls and a son who always keep me wild. My goal is to uplift and inspire as I share my life with you. Thanks for stopping by!