I was next in line. There I was...about to make a decision and I had no idea what to choose. I could go with what I always get, play it safe, or I could venture out...be a little crazy, and do something different. We were at the ice cream shop and I didn't know what to get! Yes, that's right...ice cream was making me stress. I was finally able to make a decision for myself, not for a child, not for my husband, I actually didn't have to share this sweet treat, and I didn't know what to choose. Cookie dough is what I always get...should I try cheesecake? But can you really beat raw cookie dough mixed with sweet vanilla? Probably not, but I do love me some cheesecake. It's ice cream Heather, for the love of it all...ice cream....
But what was happening on the outside as I stared through the glass at all the buckets of dairy filled goodness, was a picture of what was going on inside of me. God was asking me to let go something so He could take me somewhere new. And I was scared. Anyone with me? Anyone been at this crossroads where you are asking for something yet you didn't know you would have to give something up in return? Like when you buy a new shirt, you need to make room in your closet by getting rid of something old. I try to keep this rule. But then I think, "So what I haven't worn yellow shirt in a year. What if I need it and I go to wear and I don't have it? Then I'll have to buy a new yellow shirt and that will just be annoying. I should probably keep it." Suddenly, my closet just gets really cluttered and messy and full.
Are you asking for a new job, but forgetting you have to first let go of the comforts of where you are now? Desiring a relationship but now seeing all that is about to change when you get it? Your heart's desire is to become a parent yet there are so many sacrifices you have to make that you don't know if you are fully ready?
Maybe it's internal. Are you wanting to be freed from a certain way of thinking only to realize thinking this new way will totally put you outside your comfort zone? Are you tired of believing a lie about yourself but the pruning process to get to freedom is intimidating?
I am feeling the tension of seeing what is ahead of me. I see what God is doing, I see where He wants me to go, yet I don't want to walk away from where I am right now. I love this season, this place I am. I am good at it, it is comfortable. I know what every day looks like, the good and the bad, and I like that. I like knowing what's coming. I don't want to let go of what I have. What I have is so good. But I want whats next. I have seen a glimpse of what could be, and it is so sweet. Just like those flavors of ice cream I was looking at I see how good it will be.
But I don't know....There is a flow and a rhythm I have found here in this season and now You just want to come and take that away and have me start over in a new place? Have me change to a new way of living and move on to a new season? Yes. Yes He does.
I feel the angst, the worry, and the fear of all that I don't know about the future. And letting go of where I am now seems so hard to handle. But the truth is...the promise we have when we let go is all that God will give. Because....with every new season, there is a new supply.
Isaiah 43 in The Message puts it this way.
“Forget about what’s happened;
don’t keep going over old history.
Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new."
Brand new in the Greek means "Fresh this year". God has been reminding me and gently showing me that it is time to move on. Have you been feeling this tension at all in any area of your life? If so...know this....letting go is so hard, but when God is calling us to a new season, a new place, a new adventure that means we have learned all we can where we were, and it is time. Every season needs the other ones. We need this next one, it doesn't stay winter forever. And what is so good to remember is that everything starts out as a seed. So this new place you are about to venture to, this new way of thinking, of living...well it is a brand new seed. It needs nurturing, sunlight...("Son"light), water, nourishment, and grace. So take a deep breath, let go of where you were and say yes to God leading you to where He wants you to be.
I chose cheesecake.