Modesty. It needs to be talked about. In my mind it has become black and white but in our culture it is more of a gray color. And I know it's trendy, and I know it's hot outside, and I know it's more comfortable...trust me...I know. But I just think we need to chat. And before I begin, this is not a rant...I don't like those. This is just my heart, and yes it is my "thing that gets me fired up" but... I want to just talk. Because below the clothes, the lack of clothes, the finger tip length rules and the v-cut shirts, there is your heart and my heart, and there is a reason why. And I want to talk about that.
Modesty is one of those words that has left a bad taste in many people's mouths. Feeling like it is a bunch of strict rules you have to follow. That you have to wear turtle necks in the flippin summer (I hate them. Claustrophobic anyone?) And that it is all about helping men not stumble because we are apparently fully responsible, even though, c'mon...we sure do have a very big role. But I want to talk about the reason behind the choices, and the thought behind the decisions.
Because modesty comes from a heart of humility. And humility is not boasting about self, but boasting about God. Let's talk about God and the Bible for just a sec.
Modesty comes from the Greek Word, kosmios which means, orderly, respected, decent, virtuous. This word is used when talking about men and their behavior in leadership of the church and women in how they dress and carry themselves. So how men behave in a leadership position in representing Jesus is just as important as how women dress? It is the same word after all...
(And all of those words that describe modesty up there. I would love those behind my name when someone is describing me wouldn't you?)
But in this status driven culture, with too many profiles and feeds to try and keep up with, it is hard not to join the race of success, to crave the likes and want the followers. We want to put our best versions of ourselves on display, and I get it, those filters do a wonder on my very tired mama eyes.
But when it comes to modesty, how we dress, how we carry ourselves. What is the motive? What is the gain? And when it comes to each other as women....
It will either make someone jealous because they don't look like you.
It will make someone prideful because they think they look better than you.
Nothing. We gain nothing. And in that moment...the enemy gains it all.
This wasn't always black and white for me. But when Griffin and I got married seven years ago a shift started in me. That my body is his and that no one else needs to see it. You have heard the saying, "When you say 'Yes' to someone, you say 'No' to everyone else." Well that also counts with how we dress. How we dress needs to be addressed because what is going on on the inside will always be shown on the outside.
Are you angry on the inside? It will come out sooner or later.
Are you jealous or insecure? The words you speak will reveal the state of your heart.
Do you need someone to tell you that you are beautiful?
Do you need the looks of approval from men?
Do you need to flaunt your body because, hey you worked really hard to get it here and I am proud of it?
If you asked me those questions a few years ago I would have said, "Yes" to every single one. Every. Single. One.
An inside transformation reveals an outside representation. I found a complete and total confidence in who I am in Christ! A confidence that is so deep and real that I no longer needed others to tell me that I am beautiful, worthy, enough, fit, talented, or pretty. (Now I am a words of affirmation junkie so when someone is kind to me, I soak it in and appreciate it very much) But it doesn't sustain me. Only God can do that.
And when Griffin notices my outfit, my hair, my eyes...which he usually does on the days where I don't try it means so much to me and my heart flutters a bit. (Side note: Find yourself a man who loves you when you are bare skin, hair a mess, and workout clothes on.) Anyway...my heart flutters and it matters but it doesn't fill and shape who I am. Only the One who created me can tell me who I am. I began to cover myself because I wasn't look for another created being to fill me up. I am now already filled up by the One who created us all. The One we all should be looking to.
You cover yourself not because you think you are ugly, but because you know you are beautiful.
So what changed was a new way of thinking. It was a change on the inside that showed itself on the outside. And it has changed the way I dress, and it has dictated the way my daughter's dress. It has changed the way I want them to see themselves. It has changed the way I see me and it has changed the way I see you..
And oh friend to truly know your worth, to truly understand who you are...well..it changes everything.