"Can you just stay two forever Paisy?" These were my words to my middle child yesterday. Her birthday is next week and I cannot wait to celebrate her little life, her laughter, her spunk, her fire...but honestly...I don't want her to grow up. As a mother, the essence of time has really taken a turn in my mind. The days feel so long but then I blink, I sleep one night and they are an inch taller, a day smarter. There face has changed since I kissed them good night and they can speak ten more words than they could yesterday. And there is nothing I can do to make time make sense in my mind. I feel like time is something I am trying desperately to grasp but yet...it runs through my fingers like water.
Do you feel that? This desperate need to stay present, or to be still as if we can control the time and stop time in those sweet moments yet speed it up when it is just broken and messy and miserable. Maybe it's a painful season in your life. One you wish time would hurry through. You just feel the ache of something, there is a need. A need for the house, then you will feel better. The ache and longing for the baby, the relationship or the career and then it will all just make sense, then time will make sense.
I look at myself and I see time. I see lines on my face that show the years of emotions.... smiles around my lips and tears from my eyes. The black circles under my eyes are warrior marks of a worn mother who has given it all, lost sleep and has sacrificed. Sacrificed. Wait...could that be it? That maybe our perspective on time must shift to something bigger and greater than ourselves. Maybe time isn't about holding on but letting go. Maybe it isn't about something you grab but about something you give. Maybe...just maybe it is not about something you seize but something you sacrifice?
Jesus always speaks of time as our moment to give it all away so we can live abundantly more. Jesus died so our time isn't dictated by the drum of our fears but by the ticking of eternity. He broke down the barriers of time so we can escape and live for the kingdom. So now time doesn't control our dreams and our purpose. It can't tell us how to live in this generation, because under the hands of the clock are His everlasting arms. And time can no longer steal our joy, our prayers, or our destiny. And time does not heal like God does.
He broke down the barriers of time so we can escape and live for the kingdom. So now time doesn't control our dreams and our purpose. It can't tell us how to live in this generation, because under the hands of the clock our His everlasting arms. And time can no longer steal our joy, our prayers, or our destiny. And time does not heal like God does.
So if we shift our perspective of time to eternity time and if we can really live out this idea of sacrifice then I think we should be focusing more on the things that are unseen than seen. I think it's time we let go of the idols of the seen, the performance, the "standard", because the house or the wardrobe doesn't reflect the state of my soul. But it's the unseen. The prayers, the love in the midst of the work, the relationships, the kisses on my little girl's knee after she falls, the moments of stopping what I am doing to look into her eyes as she tells me her story. It's about saving my best for my husband at the end of the day, not just throwing him my scraps because you're right I am exhausted and I am tired. But he is worth it, he is my number one and he will have my heart, my body, my mind, and my attention.
You see, it's the unseen that holds it all, it's the unseen that really matters. Because if time is sacrifice and we all only have so many days then we can't waste one. We have to believe that the amount of time God has given us is enough for a meaningful life, a full life.
I sit under the oak tree in my front yard. My girls giving each other kisses, tackling their daddy and dancing to Christmas music even though Christmas has come and gone. It's their hair catching the light through the limbs of the trees, its the little bit of jelly on the corner of their mouth, it's the smell of his cologne as he wraps his arms around me and I breathe him in. The bounce of her curls and their sweet giggles. They feel like time embraced.
Your time is limited. So don't limit your life by wanting someone else's.