I have tried to write this. I have tried to recount and share all the ways that God showed up, all the moments that I was at my breaking point, that I had to humble myself and change my plans, my hopes, and trust the process. Trust the Lord's hand guiding me. And honestly, I feel like words don't do it all justice, but many have asked for the story and I need to write it all down so I never forget the detailed goodness of God. So, here it goes...
Have you ever had a plan? Have you ever had expectations and thoughts, ways you truly thought something would go? But then the door shuts, the plans change, and in an instant you are doing the exact thing you thought you would never do? That was this birth. But God...He was all over it. He always is.
I don't know where you are on your faith journey, or if you happened to stumble on my page and don't really know what you believe in God. But I believe that the same God who parted the sea and healed the blind is moving and working today in my life and your life. I believe that He can do anything, absolutely anything...and He wants to talk to us and reveal Himself to us all the time, and sometimes He will speak to someone else for you on your behalf. That's exactly what He did. My friend, who is also an obstetrician felt like she was meant to deliver Elisha. It didn't make sense, and she didn't know why but she felt called. She also kept seeing the number 52 everywhere. (Often times God shows us the same thing over and over again to get our attention and so we know for sure it is Him)
As my due date inched closer and closer my plan (giving birth at the birthing center) suddenly didn't feel right. I thought it was my own fears, but no matter how hard I prayed, prepped myself and mentally prepared for birth, for the plan I had; the way I wanted it to go was not bringing me peace at all, only anxiety and restlessness. I ended up reaching out to my friend, which I hadn't really done this whole pregnancy. I didn't feel the need. I loved my midwives, I felt fully confident in their abilities and in the plan, but as I started to feel this uneasiness, I felt called to reach out to her. (She never told me she felt led to deliver Elisha. She kept that to herself through my whole pregnancy and prayed for a window) Often times we feel God is revealing something to us, but we don't want to jump to conclusions, we need confirmation, something that shows us yes this is God. So, I reached out to her, thinking to myself, "I hope she can help me. I feel like she is supposed to have a role in this." To me it was a cry for help, but to her it was her window to share with me what the Lord showed her. And after much prayer, I decided to transfer under her care and prepared to be induced at 40 weeks and 5 days. I think we can feel like we are failing when the plans change. When the way we thought it should go and will go doesn't happen. But it's not a failure when God is leading and guiding, it's obedience and humbleness. Suddenly, all I felt was peace.
Always follow Peace.
My friend continued to see the number 52. Then she felt the Lord lead her to Isaiah 52:7 and that it was for Elisha and about Elisha.
How beautiful on the mountains
are the feet of those who bring good news,
who proclaim peace,
who bring good tidings,
who proclaim salvation,
who say to Zion,
“Your God reigns!”
[Elisha means - God is Salvation. He was a prophet who followed after Elijah and was a miracle worker.]
Since before this boy was born I have had many dreams about him. About me holding a blue-eyed baby with a full head of hair. Of a boy on stage preaching and teaching about Jesus. About a little boy with his sisters working together for the Kingdom. I thought it was wishful thinking, my own hopes, just things that I wanted...regardless, I prayed over those dreams and thoughts and wants and hopes. (I don't know what you think about all of this so far, but I believe that if God spoke to Abraham, Jacob, Joseph, Pilate's wife, Samuel, Daniel, and many others...I think He still wants to use dreams to speak to us now!) This scripture aligns with the calling on Elisha's life. He will follow after his father, bringing the good news to people. How beautiful are the feet...
I was induced at 7 am, and around 2pm active labor began. It didn't feel any different than I have experienced. But after an hour of intense pushing with no progress things took a turn. The atmosphere in the room went from excitement and anticipation to worry. My blood sugar started to drop and my vision started to fade. Because of Elisha's position I was experiencing the most excruciating back pain I have ever felt. I couldn't catch my breath in between contractions and I began to feel like I was going to pass out. Pass out from the pain and pass out from exhaustion. I have never held onto to Griffin so hard in my life. My vision was getting smaller and smaller so I shut my eyes tight afraid to open them.
My friend knew she had to make a decision. She began to pray and with tears in her eyes she knew she had two choices. To perform an emergency C-section which would require putting me under full anesthesia because I didn't have an epidural or reach in and turn him...which is something you really don't want to do anymore, especially to someone who has had no epidural. She heard the Lord clear as day lead her to the right decision. In between nitrous, oxygen, and sugar packets being poured into my mouth, I opened my eyes and looked at her. She said, "Heather I need to turn him."
"I trust you." Is all I could say.
She felt the Lord's hand guiding hers as she gently turned his head and then just a few minutes later and...
And after it all he is in my arms and everything fades away. This is a moment of complete relief. I can't even put into words all that I felt. I almost gave up, and I never give up. I really didn't think I could hang on for one more moment, and I have never felt like that before. And to have him in my arms after everything, felt like the greatest gift I have ever been given. He smells like heaven, and I know and believe the Lord had angels in that room that day.
He was born at 3:52 and I was induced at 7 am. See that Isaiah 52:7...God is in all the details.
My hands are full but my heart is fuller. and I can't believe I have the privilege to raise these little souls to be Kingdom warriors, a son and daughters to the King of Kings. That I get to give myself away everyday for them. This is our legacy. We are raising arrows that will change the world.
My sweet son, I would do it all again if I had to. You have completed this family, and completed me. Your Daddy will guide you and your mama will fiercely love you for the rest of your life.
I’m Heather a blessed wife and mama to four little souls who always keep me wild and free. My goal is to uplift and inspire as I share my life with you. Thanks for stopping by!