Lay It All Down.

I had a sweet friend text me asking for any book suggestions. She is about to become a mother and she was wanting a book to help her prepare spiritually. And as I sat there, all I could think of were the books I read on sleep training, foods, baby-proofing and safety and vaccines. I could not think of one book. And this honestly, was total confirmation because for 3 years now the Lord has put on my heart a burden for new moms. This transition is smooth for some but hard for many and I have decided I am writing that book! Right now. Today. I am writing the book. 

I have been putting it off waiting for the "right time" but let's face it, my life is a zoo with no cages and the right time is NOW!!! So here is the beginning, the rough draft of the intro to my book. It is rough, unedited and the first initial thoughts. But I feel it needs to be said, it needs to be shared. I hope this touches someone out there. 

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Becoming a mother is quite the journey. From the moment you find out that there is a little baby growing inside of you, a mix of emotions just run through your mind and heart. Excited, nervous, anxious, joyful; you begin to daydream, plan and imagine what it will all be like. Then at some point you decide it’s a good idea to start learning and preparing. You prepare the house with safety plugs, bumpers for sharp corners, gates for stairs. You start reading books on sleep. How to help them sleep, to use a paci or to let them suck their thumbs. You read books on vaccines, you read books on food, you study strollers and car seats, which one is the best, most durable, etc. The list goes on and on. I know it, I have been there, 4 times to be exact.

And that is where I want to come in. I want to share my journey, my struggles, my joy and my moments of depression. I realized that I was so bombarded by all of this “stuff”, that I stopped thinking about me. I didn’t even ask myself, “Am I ready spiritually? Am I ready mentally?” And my dear sister, that is the most important place to be prepared. Yes sleeping is important, yes the car seats, the food, the safety. Yes yes yes!

But oh your heart. Your heart is what will keep you steady. Your mind, your mind is what will help you to be consistent every single day and night for this sweet baby. And the only way you will have a strong heart and a solid mind is through God.

My journey in motherhood did not start off smoothly, and sadly many of us have the same story.

We found out we were expecting on July 6th, 2012. I was beyond excited! The second line on the pregnancy test was very faint but I knew it was there, my heart knew it was there. I didn’t think anything of it being faint, but there was a reason.

My husband, being skeptical and so not ready to be a father, pushed me to have my blood drawn. He didn’t trust the pee stick, he needed proof! So off I went to be poked to see where my HCG numbers were. And when I got the phone call that they were not where they were supposed to be, the faint line began to make sense. I remember my heart aching, feeling worried, and feeling out of control. I began to bleed. And there was nothing I could do to stop it. This little baby, that I had already fallen in love with and already had started writing notes to, this little baby was so close to me yet this baby was slipping away.

I called my mid wife almost every day asking if there was something we can do, they can do…I can do to stop this, to help this baby. I prayed and I cried. I nervously tried to go through my days but with every twinge of pain in my side, and with every drop of blood…I knew I had no control. And on July 30th, I sat in the bathroom as I experienced my baby slipping into heaven. I felt angry, sadness, hopelessness, bitterness. And somewhere...out of nowhere...joy. I began to experience His presence in a way that I never have. And the Spirit reminded me of the words of the famous hymn, “It Is Well…” And I began to find breath in my lungs as I sang it over myself, over us. I knew the first face my sweet little one saw was Jesus. The first arms that held my baby were the arms that formed the sky and the sea. And I knew those same arms were holding me as well. 

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And so began my course into this world of motherhood, and of parenting. We were blessed to become pregnant rather quickly in September and my sweet Harper Grace, my rainbow baby, came into this world in June of 2013. And since then we have been bountifully blessed to have Paisley Joy and Skyler Faith as well. But I share this all to say that I started off this course with heartbreak and that heartbreak  led to fear. And worry, and anxiety and me trying to control. Control the home, their safety, the germs, the food, the sleep. And the more I gripped down hard on controlling and dictating the more I realized that I am afraid, and that where there was fear, there was no faith. Where had my faith gone? And why has my trust in the Lord disappeared? 

I am here to help your journey, no matter how it starts, be filled with the Holy Spirit. That you might not know all the right decisions to make for your child yet, but you will know the One who will lead you and guide you every single day to make the right decisions. And you will be equipped with wisdom, not for which car seat or stroller is better, but with the wisdom of scripture to fill your heart and mind with peace, joy, and faith. So here I will lay it all done, I will put it all out there. I will be as transparent as glass because I want your motherhood to thrive. And I long for you to know who you are in Christ so well, that the ups and downs that come through this walk will not overtake you, but that you will be overwhelmed by the Spirit to overcome the hard moments that this season of life can bring.

So from one Mama to another, you are seen, you are valued and you are not alone. I'm here to lay it all down, so you can love and live with all your heart and soul. Because your children need you and the Lord created you to thrive. 

Much Love, 
   Heathery