I have a new practice I do at the end of every month. It is incredibly healthy for my soul. I journal all of my "take-aways" from the month. From lessons I have learned, to truths the Lord has laid on my heart; it helps me to gain perspective and sit back and look at all the Lord has accomplished, and to see all the areas where He is trying to grab my attention. And there is usually a lot of moments of Him grabbing my attention, or simply grabbing me.
And if I am completely honest, and I want to be...this week has been one of the worst..actually the past few weeks have left me weary and worn. He has definitely had my attention. I was incredibly sick for 5 days, stuck in bed for 2 and unable to eat anything. Griffin was gone for a week after that, which is always so hard. I can't sleep without him...anyone else like that?
Then this past week...my sweet Paisley...oh my Paisley; my wild child, my free spirit has been so sick. I have never seen her like this, to the point of sleeping all day, barely opening her eyes. She didn't dance, barely could get her to smile. She was just miserable. She wanted me close but not too close, she screamed for me all day but I couldn't give her what she needed. I would have taken every ounce of her pain upon myself in a split second if I could, oh I wish I could have. I need to share that before this week, her and I were not getting along well. We were having a lot of talks in time out, we were working on not getting what we want when we want, we were understanding how powerful a dirty look can be.
And needless to say I was absolutely exhausted and feeling like a failure. But through this the Lord revealed to me...my Paisley, His Paisley.
My children do not all look to me the same, they do not see me the same, and they do not hear me the same way. They all need different types of love from me, and I can't just simply interact with them in the way that comes easiest to me And this little girl...needs an extra amount of grace. Do you have one of those? The one that wanders but is never really lost. The one that has to touch the flame because they need to know for themselves that it is hot. The one that seems to make a mess out of the most simple things, and the one that will truly march to the beat of their own drum. I have one, and the truth is.. she is just like me. Fragile but strong, messy but fun, free, loud, joyful, strong willed, a feeler, needs alone time and needs to have quiet, curious, and won't color in the lines.
The Lord showed me that with this type of heart and mind, must be held with fragile hands. They are not a problem, or "too much". They are not wild and frustrating. They are not a child to be tamed they are a heart to be trained and encouraged, and guided and enjoyed. They are dreamers, they are leaders, they won't follow the crowd they will go their own way, and if we guide and gently direct that way, they will be used by God and they won't be stopped.
And this week, she was not this girl. She barely moved, I carried her everywhere, and she didn't dance. My Paisley wasn't dancing and anyone who knows her knows she must dance. This week was scary, trying and sad. Our house was different, everything felt off. It was because the spark of the family was gone. She has always been the spark. Her birth was a crazy story in itself, and she has always changed the atmosphere of a room. And her eyes, those eyes have always been able to pierce right through me.
I share this jumbled mess of a post to say that maybe you have a strong willed one. Maybe you are at the end of your rope and just so frustrated and tired. You feel walked all over, disrespected and pushed to your limit. Maybe you don't feel cut out to parent him. Maybe you don't know how to get through to her. I am here to say I understand. I know being consistent and loving even when they are pushing back with all of their might can take everything out of you. I will say...as I laid next to Paisley Joy as she fell asleep exhausted and weary this week, God whispered to me a powerful truth. "She is first mine. I hold all of her time in my hands. I need you to finish strong. She needs you to nourish her spirit."
We have been given assignments, and these assignments don't define us, but they do mold us, break us, and make us. We are to honor God with our parenting. We are to take care of the possible and to trust God with the impossible. We must learn the difference.
I love the scripture that says, "I will gently lead those who are with the young." (Isaiah 40:11) So many times I get so caught up in my day, the emotions I feel, I forget to invite the Holy Spirit in. Before I walk into that room, to stop and just simply say, "God what do I say? God help my tone to be kind." This has been my undoing. This has been my un-rushing, these little moments. And it took my Paisley Joy being so sick for me to see her like He sees, and yes give her a little extra dose of Grace.
Lord knows I need it too.
8/4/2017 06:13:46 pm
Love this story I've been raising one for 13years. I can truly say for the past 13 years I've wanted to give up on him and then God reminds me that he's not mine and I have to keep fighting. I don't know if I'm doing right or wrong but I alway pray for God to guide him. Thanks for always being so open and sharing your stories.
8/5/2017 01:48:11 pm
So good! Thank you for your words!!
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I’m Heather a blessed wife and mama to four little souls who always keep me wild and free. My goal is to uplift and inspire as I share my life with you. Thanks for stopping by!