I messed up big time. It honestly couldn't have gone any worse. It was one of those days where the frustration was just building plus I'm pregnant and this boy has me on a whole different level of crazy, but that's another blog for another time. The girls just kept fighting, or whining which is one of my triggers. It was so many emotions and tears and tones that were just pushing all my buttons and I had finally had enough. It was bad. And I lost my temper.
I immediately knew I was way out of line, but my heart was pounding so hard in my chest and honestly it felt good to get some of it out. But then I looked at their faces. Confused, scared, and the worst of all, Harper walked away as if she couldn't believe I had responded this way. She walked into another room and began coloring in one of her many coloring books at their little white table in the corner of their room.
I went into my bathroom and shut the door. Giving myself a time out. I prayed out loud, "Father, you have got to help me." My fear was their view of me would be the moments where I scarred them, they will need therapy one day because of me and these moments. Even though, they are few and far between they often feel like the things I remember the most about the day. I was defeated, embarrassed, still mad, and wondering how am I going to go back in there and look at those little faces. But ever so quietly and quickly, the Spirit said, "Their view of you will be one who walks in forgiveness. So show them what it looks like." I love how the Father hears our thoughts, and His level of love towards us is He is always longing to speak against our negative thoughts, He is all about renewing our mind and shifting our focus.
You know what the truth is? That Satan really hates women...and He really REALLY hates mothers. Genesis 3:15 says it all.
And I will put enmity
Every single person on earth comes from a women and their first encounter with love is the Mother. So, if you think your motherhood is not important? If you think your motherhood is just good days and bad days? If you think motherhood is a season you just survive through...my dear dear friend, shift your eyes with me and see this all so differently.
Those little people you serve and raise and teach all day long? They are warriors in disguise. Those little voices that can be so sweet and then surprise you with their sharp tone of anger or jealousy? They are the voices of the next generation that are going to worship, and preach, and teach and lead. Those little hands that you are teaching how to share, well they are filled with the ability to reach far beyond what they can imagine and they are filled with talents, gifting, callings, and heavenly anointings that are going to come to the surface as you raise them.
So I walked back in the room where the girls were. And I bent down low and told them, "Girls, Mommy messed up. Mommy should not have yelled, mommy did the wrong thing. I am sorry. Will you forgive me?" And immediately...and I mean immediately they came over and wrapped their little arms around me and said, "Yes Mama." There was no bitterness, no holding a grudge. In a moment it was over for them. As if it is how they were created, to forgive and move one. So does that mean that unforgiveness is learned? That as we grow, our hearts can become hardened and we build walls, and have reasons as to why this person doesn't deserve our forgiveness? But they, those little souls...walked in forgiveness so effortlessly. Tears filled my eyes as they taught me so much in one moment, one two worded sentence. "Yes Mama."
Warriors I tell you. They are warriors.
I’m Heather a blessed wife and mama to four little souls who always keep me wild and free. My goal is to uplift and inspire as I share my life with you. Thanks for stopping by!